Pick Your Peeps Well

I heard a great quote: "Don't eat with people you wouldn't starve with." It resonated deeply with me. It made me reflect on the nature of relationships. Although its origins are unclear, I love it because it speaks about the importance of surrounding ourselves with authentic people.

This saying isn't about our dining preferences but a metaphor for the quality and integrity of our relationships and connections. Superficial social connections drive our world, and this quote challenges us to evaluate our relationships critically and seek out those who will stand by us through the most challenging times.

who are your people?

Essence of True Companionship

I love how this quote highlights the significance of loyalty, trust, and mutual decency in relationships. When you think about who you would want by your side in times of starvation, it's not merely about who can share a meal with you but about who can endure hardships. It's about finding those willing to face adversity together and showing unwavering support.

In our tech-driven and social media society, relationships can often be transactional through a like or meme. Networking, social media connections, and professional acquaintances are frequently built on convenience and mutual benefit rather than genuine care or with a human element. This quote pushes back against that norm, encouraging us to seek more profound, more meaningful connections.

Evaluating Your Circle

Consider the people in your life. How many would you trust to support you in your darkest hours? How many would stand by you when there's nothing to gain and everything to lose? This kind of introspection is crucial for cultivating a circle that genuinely has your back.

Loyalty Over Convenience: Evaluate whether your relationships are based on convenience or genuine loyalty. True friends are those who remain constant regardless of circumstances. For instance, my best mate and I have been mates since we were 17, and I treasure that.

Shared Values: Seek out people who share your core values or ideals. These shared beliefs create a foundation for enduring relationships, particularly when facing shit times.

Mutual Support: Relationships should be mutually supportive. That sounds fluffy, but friendships are a two-way street. Are you equally willing to support your friends in their times of need? Reciprocity is essential to authenticity in the relationship.

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Illusion of Superficial Connections

Social media's finger and screen-filled life have significantly altered how we perceive the connection. With hundreds or even thousands of "friends" or followers, it's easy to mistake quantity for quality. We get validation, but to be honest with yourself, do half the people care that much? It's just one click. The depth of these connections needs more substance. Many of these connections wouldn't withstand real-life hardships; otherwise, they are just lightweight transactions. If there is no depth in the relationship, get rid of it.

It's about more than likes and comments. It's about the people who will be there when the screens go dark, and the real challenges of life come to the forefront. It's about those who will celebrate your successes and stand by you through failures and struggles. Not bring you down or make a lame-ass comment behind a screen or iPhone.

Power of Quality Relationships

Many studies consistently show that quality relationships are crucial for mental and emotional health. They provide a sense of belonging, help reduce stress and even contribute to fulfilment. I'm sure if you were to really reflect, you would know that if we surround ourselves with solid people, it impacts our happiness and resilience. Likewise, if we surround ourselves with boneheads, we will be dissatisfied.

Building a Circle of Trust

Be Selective: Don't be afraid to be selective about who you let into your inner circle. Quality always trumps quantity.

Invest Time: Building deep relationships requires time and effort. Invest in meaningful interactions rather than spreading yourself thin.

Show Vulnerability: True connections are built on authenticity. Don't be afraid to show vulnerability and share your true self.

Redefining Success in Relationships

Success in relationships isn't about having a large social circle but having a more valuable and dependable one. It's about knowing you have people you can count on unconditionally in times of crisis.

Reflection and Action

Reflect on Existing Relationships: Take time to reflect on your current relationships. Who are the people you can truly count on? Who would stand by you if times got tough?

Seek Authenticity: Aim to build authentic and meaningful relationships. This might mean letting go of some superficial connections, but it will be worth it. Many people that I work with find that when they reflect on and then recalibrate this aspect of their lives, they have more time and stronger bonds with the people that really matter.

Prioritise Trust and Loyalty: Prioritise trust and loyalty over fluffy, mindless attributes in new relationships. These qualities should be the bedrock of enduring relationships.

Starvation Test

A powerful exercise to understand the strength of your relationships is to imagine a scenario of extreme hardship. Ask yourself who you would want if you had nothing left. This "starvation test" can be a revealing measure of the depth and reliability of your relationships.

Honest Appraisal: Do an audit and be honest with yourself about who would pass this test. It's not about judging others harshly but about understanding the nature of your connections, which people will be there with you in the trenches.

Strengthen Bonds: Use this insight to strengthen your connections with the most relevant people. Show appreciation and deepen your commitment to these relationships. But be mindful that you need to show up as well; it's not a one-way transaction.

Embrace Vulnerability: If you express your need for mutual support, the right people around you won't be challenged by your opening up. Vulnerability can strengthen our connections and build trust.

Pick Your Peeps Well: Final Thoughts

"Don't eat with people you wouldn't starve with" reminds us to prioritise authenticity in our relationships and picking our peeps well. Our world is filled with 'likes' that create superficial connections. Seek out those who genuinely are significant in our lives. Build a resilient network that stands with you through adversity by evaluating and cultivating relationships based on trust, loyalty, and mutual support. In doing so, we get rid of the superficial fluff and have an enriched community of people around us.