.jpg)
Overcoming the Urge: Stop Chasing Someone Who Doesn't Want to Be Caught
- elby
- Mar 3
- 4 min read
Let's get something straight: Chasing anyone is a form of self-betrayal. It's not romantic. It's not noble. It's not some heroic demonstration of love. Chasing someone who doesn't meet you halfway is turning your back on yourself and saying, "Your worth can wait; let's see if they'll notice me first." And you're better than that.
But let's go deeper. This isn't the same old conversation about "know your worth and stop chasing." Let's talk about why the act of chasing is like willingly walking into quicksand—except the only thing that sinks is your sense of self-respect.
This isn't about them; it's about you. It always has been.
Hidden Lie We Tell Ourselves When We Chase
Chasing someone usually starts with a lie we whisper to ourselves: "If they notice me, I'll be happy." Or "Once they see what I bring to the table, they'll want me." That lie is sneaky because it disguises itself as determination or commitment. It convinces them they'll eventually see your value and reciprocate if you try hard.
But here's the truth no one tells you: Chasing someone is a form of giving your power away. It's handing someone else the keys to your self-worth and waiting for them to open the door. Spoiler alert—they never will. Why? Because that door was only meant to be opened by you.
Self-worth isn't something you win from others; you recognise it within yourself.
When you chase someone, you're not just pursuing them but abandoning yourself. Think about that. You tell yourself, "They're worth more than my peace, dignity, and happiness." And when you operate from that place, no amount of love, attention, or validation will ever be enough to fill the hole you dug for yourself.
Stop the Chase and Start Protecting Your Energy
Here's the mindset shift that will change everything: The chase isn't just exhausting—it's expensive. And I'm not talking about money. I'm talking about the energy you burn bending over backward, replaying conversations in your head, checking your phone, and waiting for crumbs of attention.
You've handed it over to someone who doesn't care what you're giving. That's not just a waste; it's theft, and you're the one letting it happen.
So, ask yourself: How much longer are you willing to bleed for someone who is offering you nothing of value?
When you finally say "enough," something magical happens. You reclaim that energy and channel it back into yourself. You become a magnet for everything you've been chasing because the energy you're radiating is no longer one of desperation but of self-assurance. And self-assurance? That's irresistible.
Stop Being Depleting Yourself
You're depleting yourself when you constantly pour your love, attention, and effort into someone who doesn't reciprocate. You're giving them everything—your energy, time, and emotional availability—while neglecting your needs. If someone isn't showing up for you with the same effort, you create a one-sided dynamic that will leave you drained and unfulfilled. Stop sacrificing your well-being for someone unwilling to do the same for you. Your effort should be met with equal commitment, or it's time to walk away.
Let Them Wonder What Happened When You Walk Away
Here's the twist that'll blow your mind: Walking away isn't just for your peace of mind—it's the ultimate power move.
When you stop chasing, something unexpected happens. The people you once chased suddenly notice the absence of your energy. They wonder why their phone is so quiet. They wonder why you're not watching their stories, texting them, or waiting around.
Let them wonder. Let them sit in the silence you once filled and realise that you weren't just another option—you were the whole package.
But by the time they figure that out, you'll already be too busy living the life you deserve to notice.
How to Flip the Script: From Chaser to Chooser
Chasing is what happens when you put someone else on a pedestal. Flipping the script means kicking that pedestal over and realising you have the power to choose. Here's how to do it:
Recognise the Value of Your Attention: Attention is a privilege, not a free resource. Not everyone deserves access to you.
Set Non-Negotiable Standards: List what you need in a relationship and stick to it. If someone can't meet those standards, don't negotiate—leave.
Let Silence Be Your Weapon: Don't chase with words. Let your silence speak for you. If someone doesn't notice your absence, they never value your presence.
Invest in Yourself First: Put the energy you would've used chasing them into yourself—your health, your growth, your dreams. Watch how quickly your life changes when you make yourself the priority.
Final Thoughts: Overcoming the Urge
Let's cut the BS and call it what it is: Chasing someone who doesn't appreciate you reeks of self-respect. You're betraying the version of you that knows you deserve more.
So, stop. Right now. Stand still or walk away. The old saying goes, "Remove your attention, and they will likely seek yours." Let them run toward you, or let them stay behind. Either way, you win because the person who chooses you without hesitation is the one who knows your worth.
And if no one's running toward you yet, keep walking in your truth, and don't look back. Your worth isn't found in who chases you; it's who you become when you stop chasing anyone but yourself.
You're not an option. So don't act like it.
And if you ever forget this truth, come back and reread this until you remember: You're every ounce of effort you've given to others. It's to provide that effort for yourself.
