We all desire a life of comfort, ease, and stability. Our lives are constantly hammered with advertising promoting this. They sell us the dream of effortless luxury, social media glorifies lives filled with ceaseless pleasures, and many aspire to cruise through life without struggles.
But what if I told you that smooth sailing isn't the most valuable journey we can embark on? What if suffering, pain, and challenges aren't just obstacles but are powerful in creating a meaningful life?
Illusion of a Challenge-Free Life
You are kidding yourself if you believe you can have a life without suffering. Each of us, irrespective of our social standing, wealth, or circumstances, will face challenges in life. Being in your forties and beyond, you already have a long list. The nature of these challenges might vary, but no life is untouched by them. So, aspiring to a challenge-free life, we are setting ourselves up for inevitable disappointment.
Shaped by Suffering
Imagine forging a sword. The metal is heated to extreme temperatures, hammered, bent, and cooled. This rigorous process strengthens it, sharpens its edge, and transforms a mere piece of metal into a formidable weapon. Similarly, our characters are forged by suffering. The challenges we face, the pain we endure, and the adversities we overcome shape our personalities. But the great thing is they hone our strengths and build resilience. Guess what? They add depth and dimension to our characters.
In the book 'Man's Search for Meaning', Psychologist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote, 'Suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice'. It's a powerful quote to make. It reminds us that even suffering, individuals could find purpose and meaning. It is not the absence of suffering that gives life meaning but our response to it.
Valuing Success: The Contrast Principle
Success tastes sweeter after a journey punctuated by failures. Why? Because we appreciate the contrast. When we cruise through life without facing significant challenges, we often take our successes for granted. And if successes come easily, their value diminishes.
On the other hand, when we've been through hardships, faced our fears, and braved adversities, every small victory becomes monumental. The process adds value to the result. The long, gruelling hours of training make the medal at the end of the race precious. The satisfaction derived from achieving something after struggling for it is unparalleled.
So, I thought about this as a formula in life. What would it look like? So here is the feelgood40plus.com formula for the 'value of suffering'
L=(C+H)×R
L is the value of life or the depth of one's experience.
C is the challenges faced.
H is the inherent hardships or suffering endured.
R is the resilience or response to challenges and hardships.
This equation reflects the value of life (L) is determined by the challenges and hardships we face but is magnified by how one responds or shows resilience to those adversities. A stronger, more positive response would amplify the value of those experiences, making life richer in depth and meaning.
Suffering and Empathy
One of the most significant effects of suffering is the development of empathy. When we experience hardships, we become more aware of those suffering around us. We soften our hearts, listen more, reduce our judgements, and become more compassionate. Compassion not only enriches our personal relationships but also creates greater humans, making the world a kinder place. Corny? Yes, but we do need more compassionate people around us.
Hidden Value of Suffering
I'm not writing, so you go out to seek suffering or even glamorise pain. Instead, I'm encouraging you to reframe the way we receive challenges and see the hidden value in suffering. Make a choice not to view them as obstacles but as opportunities for growth, character development, and a deeper appreciation for life and the people in it.
However, it's crucial to differentiate between unnecessary self-inflicted suffering and the natural challenges life presents. Don't romanticise suffering—that's not what I'm saying—that will harm ourselves and encourage others to harm us. But acknowledge the challenges we naturally encounter, face them with courage, and draw wisdom and strength from them.
Final Thoughts
In a world that often sells the dream of an easy life, it's radical to put a greater value on suffering. But history and personal experiences tell us that the crap times are the ones that shape us, not the calm. Cruising might offer a calm journey, but bumps along the way lead us to the most beautiful destinations.
Remember, it's not about how many times you fall but how you get up and dust yourself every time you do. Embrace your journey with all its highs and lows.