Approval Addiction: Makes You Disappear

We are living in a time where relevance has become currency, but it's bankrupting our sense of self.

Scroll through your feed, sit in a meeting, attend a social event, and you'll feel it, that quiet pressure to be more palatable, more likable, more agreeable. We can start framing our life expectations that we never agreed to or originally wanted. We mute our truth to make others more comfortable. We become skilled in adaptation and empty of identity.

This is the slow erosion of authenticity. And it's rampant. So, are you suffering from Approval Addiction?

The disappearing act you don't want

The Trap of External Validation

At first, the pursuit of approval may seem harmless, perhaps even necessary. You live under the illusion of staying relevant in others' eyes, the more your identity begins to revolve around other people's expectations. This isn't just a social phenomenon; it's a psychological trap.

According to research by Deci & Ryan, published in the Journal of Personality, individuals who rely heavily on external validation suffer from significantly lower psychological well-being, increased anxiety, and a weaker sense of personal worth. You don't need a journal citation to know this; chances are, you've felt it. That quiet, creeping sense that you're performing more than participating in your own life. That you're constantly scanning the room, whether digital or physical, for cues about who you're allowed to be.

Approval Addition and the Fear of Becoming Irrelevant

For many of us, this fear of fading relevance hits harder. You may have spent decades building a life, navigating careers, surviving heartbreak, and evolving through it all. But suddenly, the world feels louder, faster, and somehow, younger. You look around and wonder if your contributions still matter, if you're being quietly pushed to the sidelines, or if the world is moving on without you.

So what do many of us do? We try to blend in. We start mimicking the noise. We lose ourselves in effortful reinvention, not out of inspiration but out of desperation to stay seen. But here's the truth: Trying to remain relevant to everyone will make you invisible to yourself. And the most dangerous part? You won't even realise it's happening until you're left wondering who you became along the way.

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The Slow Disappearance of Self

No one hands their identity away all at once. You lose it through micro-compromises. You stay silent to keep the peace. You post something not because it's true, but because it will "perform." You second-guess your instincts because they don't align with the trend, tone, or target demographic.

Each time you surrender to the pursuit of approval, a layer of you disappears. What remains is a hollow, agreeable version of who you once were, easy to digest, impossible to remember. That's not relevant. That's self-erasure.

The Magnetism of Being Unedited

There's another way. You don't need to chase relevance. You need to reclaim resonance. Relevance is often superficial, bending to trends and fluctuating with public opinion. Resonance, on the other hand, is deep, rooted, and lasting. And it starts by being true to yourself, especially when it feels risky.

Dr. Brené Brown's work on vulnerability and belonging is clear: we do not find our place by fitting in, we find it by showing up fully. The most magnetic people are not those who are universally liked. They are the ones who carry depth, speak plainly, and live in alignment with their truth, even if it ruffles feathers. When you stop editing your essence, you become impossible to ignore.

Three Ways to Reconnect with Yourself

If this feels uncomfortably familiar, good. That's not a threat to you; it's an invitation to be. You don't have to stay on the stage you never meant to perform; so the challenge is to start living again. Here are three ways to do it:

1. Audit Where You Shrink

Start by noticing where you disappear. Where do you silence your opinion, say yes to things that drain you, or twist your truth to keep the peace? Please write it down. Awareness is the antidote to invisibility. In other words, the more aware you are of how you're presenting yourself, the more visible and impactful you are in the world. The moment you spot your adaptations, you take the first step in reclaiming your identity.

2. Speak Without Softening

Pick one conversation this week, personal or professional, where you will speak with complete clarity. Say the thing. Don't edit for likability or fear of disapproval. Say what you mean. It doesn't have to sound aggressive and like a noisy scrub bird. It just has to be true to you. You'll be surprised how magnetic honesty can be. Every time I work with clients on this point, they realise the impact this has on them

3. Go All In on One Thing That's Yours

Choose one passion, project, or value that feels authentically you, and pour yourself into it without apology. Instead of scattering your energy for broad approval, go deep on one thing that aligns with your values. When you create from a place of depth instead of desperation, you rebuild your inner strength. You become lit from within, and that glow doesn't fade with trends.

Stop Approval Addiction. Start Commanding Presence.

So here's the truth: we are living in a time where relevance has become currency, but chasing it is bankrupting your sense of self. You can keep contorting to fit the moment, diluting your truth for fleeting approval, and losing pieces of yourself in the process, or you can choose something different. You can choose to be grounded instead of reactive. Become someone who commands presence. The more you seek mass appeal, the more you fade away.

But the moment you reclaim your depth, your voice, your unedited truth, that's when you stop performing and start existing entirely. That's when you stop trading your soul for recognition and begin living a life that doesn't need to beg for it. Master this, and you won't believe how liberating it is.

Because in a world obsessed with being seen, the rarest power is being self-known.